Eugenio's Blog!

Before I commence, allow me to fully discredit a recent statement in A’s blog alleging that I will not update my blog once classes resume in the fall. Rest assured, this is nothing more than flowery rhetoric and holds no substantive truth. Your knowledge of Tax Law scares me not. I think my readers will all agree the sentence “Yooz a ho” seems justified here.

Ustedes saben . . . excuse me – Y’all know about my recent adventure with Freddy’s Laundromat last weekend. Well, to continue in the tradition of Gene looking like an urban fool in this rural social purgatory, I decided to pay a visit to the most famous hair stylist in all of Fremont. Mario Tricoci himself wishes he could work at . . . (drum roll, please) . . . Gary’s Barber Shop on Walnut Street.

My outreach partner, Felipe, at the office recommended this place, and his hair is half way decent, so I figured I would give it a shot Friday after work. I asked Felipe if I should call for an appointment, but he said it shouldn’t be too busy on a Friday afternoon. Fair enough.

So I walked into the shop on Walnut Street around 5:15. Gary had someone in the chair, and there were two gentlemen waiting. Gary provided a nice “Good Afternoon,” and I responded with a respectful, “Yo yo, bling bling.”

Seeing the two other dudes waiting, I asked Gary if I can just make an appointment for either later in the afternoon or Saturday morning. Mistake 1.

You see, Gary doesn’t schedule appointments. If you want a haircut, you have to wait like everyone else. I know what you’re thinking – “no cut for you!” Ah, Seinfeld.

Thank goodness I think before I talk – I was going to say, “Oh, Gar, can you just call me when it’s my turn? I’ll be next door getting a manicure.” Luckily, I bit my tongue.

Still, no big deal, I thought. I’ll just wait like everyone else – I’ll grab a seat and talk with the locals. Mistake 2.

The 5 o’clock Toledo Newscast was on the TV set, and the top story was the beheading of Paul Johnson, Jr. in Saudi Arabia. People in his hometown are understandably furious and saddened about the loss, but unfortunately, they have decided to express their feelings through prejudice sentiments.

The community’s police in New Jersey has “dealt with a series of racist incidents in the past year against people perceived as being Arabs.” [http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/Northeast/06/18/johnson.hometown.reut/index.html] [emphasis added]. This is not what a Southern Italian American wants to hear after working in the Ohio sun for three consecutive weeks.

The CNN article has a resident quoted as saying, “In this community, yes. They don't like outsiders.” [Id.] Great attitude, Little Egg Harbor, New Jersey.

The people at the barbershop, however, just gave an expected “sick extremist” snare and shook their heads. I was going to ask if I could change the channel to FOXNews, for the real fair & balanced report. I didn’t.

After thirty minutes or so, Gary gave me the nice head tilt and told me to take the throne. “Only if you’re my queen,” I thought.

Concerning the men before me, Gary didn’t ask what style the customers wanted. I figured they’re regulars. No no.

I am definitely not a regular to Gary’s Barber Shop, and he just started shaving my sides with his clippers. “Yo yo, Robocut, ain’t you gonna ast me wha I want?” Mistake 3.

“Oh, I just assumed you wanted ‘regular.’”

Regular? What does that mean?

“Uhh, I want half an inch on the sides.” I really wanted three-eighths of an inch, but I had a feeling Gary was not an arithmetic maharishi.

“I don’t know if my clippers know what a half an inch is – how about a regular?”

Gosh, does Fremont have its own system of measurement? As if the English and Metric versions weren’t enough . . .

“Fine.” I give up. You can’t beat the Haircut Nazi.

Happy 17th Birthday, ROSARIO!

“With rusted cars and weepin' willows,
Keepin' watch out in the yard.
Just a snapshot of downhome Dixie,
Could be anywhere you are.”

Buddy Jewell, “Sweet Southern Comfort”