Earlier this afternoon, I have fell victim yet again to another heinous crime . . . this time, I am scared to report a case of attempted murder. Who would want to harm me, you ask? I am an innocent, caring, and genuine individual. My rationale is that some people in this world are simply full of hate, anger, and greed.
Before you roll your eyes asking yourself if this is just another one of Gene’s dramatic ploys, please rest assured . . . it could be real.
At approximately 3:13 P.M. C.D.T. this afternoon, someone with an IP address from Belgium searched under the Yahoo! search engine the following: “how to kill eugenio.” If you do not believe me, please check for yourself.
Franticly, numerous agencies were running through my head trying to decide who to call first – the FBI? The Iowa City Police Department? The EU? The UN? My ma? Condoleezza Rice?
And then it hit me: stop wasting your time with these bureaucratic agencies . . . this looks like a job for the Ghostwriter team.
I have created a suspect list and reasons why they exist on such list:
1. My Spanish Professor.
Reason: He knows he has 2.5 strikes against him. In addition, he mentioned nothing about taking a European vacation this past weekend. If he was smart, though, would he? He’s so sneaky . . .
2. BTK.
Reason: He knows I’m his biggest fan, and he is looking for fresh meat. Also, D told me that he could be in Europe.
3. The people who stole my identity in November 2004.
Reason: They know I reported the crime to the proper authorities and may be capitalizing on the incident being a Qwest spokesperson. Revenge is always a leading motive.
4. Wal-Mart Corporate Executives.
Reason: Do you know any other individuals who are fuller [yes, that’s a word] of hate, anger, and greed?
If you know anything about this or related incidents, please speak up before it’s too late.
