Eugenio's Blog!

Earlier this afternoon, I have fell victim yet again to another heinous crime . . . this time, I am scared to report a case of attempted murder. Who would want to harm me, you ask? I am an innocent, caring, and genuine individual. My rationale is that some people in this world are simply full of hate, anger, and greed.

Before you roll your eyes asking yourself if this is just another one of Gene’s dramatic ploys, please rest assured . . . it could be real.

At approximately 3:13 P.M. C.D.T. this afternoon, someone with an IP address from Belgium searched under the Yahoo! search engine the following: “how to kill eugenio.” If you do not believe me, please check for yourself.

Franticly, numerous agencies were running through my head trying to decide who to call first – the FBI? The Iowa City Police Department? The EU? The UN? My ma? Condoleezza Rice?

And then it hit me: stop wasting your time with these bureaucratic agencies . . . this looks like a job for the Ghostwriter team.

I have created a suspect list and reasons why they exist on such list:

1. My Spanish Professor.

Reason: He knows he has 2.5 strikes against him. In addition, he mentioned nothing about taking a European vacation this past weekend. If he was smart, though, would he? He’s so sneaky . . .

2. BTK.

Reason: He knows I’m his biggest fan, and he is looking for fresh meat. Also, D told me that he could be in Europe.

3. The people who stole my identity in November 2004.

Reason: They know I reported the crime to the proper authorities and may be capitalizing on the incident being a Qwest spokesperson. Revenge is always a leading motive.

4. Wal-Mart Corporate Executives.

Reason: Do you know any other individuals who are fuller [yes, that’s a word] of hate, anger, and greed?

If you know anything about this or related incidents, please speak up before it’s too late.

Saturday my roommate (K) and I attended our first Iowa basketball game. Iowa was playing the number 1 ranked team, Illinois. According to K, I should be rooting for Illinois since I “attended undergraduate there,” while here I’m just “studying.” Fair argument, I suppose, but given the choice, my loyalty cannot lie with a team whose mascot is a racial caricature from the 1920s.

The game was surprisingly very fun. We sat next to a bunch of guys who were in their young 20s. They were vocal: whining and cursing at every foul called against Iowa and complaining that Illinois fouled Iowa when Iowa could not make a basket (I think it’s called a “turnover.”) Iowa gave Illinois a good ride, but we ended up short . . . short by 11, but a close 11.

In other news, I am on the verge on falling out with my Spanish professor. He is really pushing my buttons. Strike one: he told me to calm down when I notified him I was missing a class. Strike two: he accused me and another person in the class of copying homework assignments. Strike two and a half: he keeps making lawyer jokes at the beginning of class; I can handle one day of lawyer jokes, but he said them last Wednesday and Friday. I’ll give him π-value number of strikes; after that – ¡nuestra relación va a terminar!

“I'm not being too dramatic; it's just how I gotta have it.”
Ciara feat. T.I., Goodies [remix]
.

Endorsement: Hotel Rwanda (2004).

Okay, we all know how much the mass media tries to scare people.

Over the summer in Ohio, I remember watching some news program . . . 20/20, Dateline, lo que sea. They were covering the Wichita, Kansas unsolved murders committed by the infamous BTK, which stands for the technique he used [uses? . . . [gasp]] on his victims . . . bind, torture, kill.

It was the only night where I was seriously scared for my life in Ohio. Regardless of the fact that Kansas and Ohio are states apart, and Fremont, Ohio would probably be the last place on earth BTK would want to visit, I was still scared for my life.

Well, He's baaaaack, and no, not in a Michael-Jordan sorta way.

I was contacted today by a representative of Qwest Communications asking me to be “an identity theft spokesperson.”

The details are still in the work, and I feel horrible capitalizing on this incident . . . but whatever pays the loans, right?

I’m not overly confident it will work out. The representative didn’t even know I was in school. Did she even read the article? Is this person even real? Did she discreetly steal my identity over the telephone?

If you’re interested in being an identity theft spokesperson, please e-mail jlkjdskj809832@hkjds9823.com along with your complete name, social security number, mother’s maiden name, credit card number, and law school G.P.A. For every person I recruit to be a spokesperson, I earn five points. With 10,000 points, I get a duffle bag.